Her.

Did I mention that I am a lawyer? I passed with pretty good grades and was hired by a small private law firm. My boss happens to be a very professional person. Also very famous for the criminal cases. What he sublets his assistants are simply cases of divorce. I have handled as many divorce cases as I have attended marriages. I come to believe that, it all adds up to zero. If I was slightly less optimistic I would never have gotten married.

I was late for my work. My friend once told me that he works in a firm where he doesn't have to reach on a certain time. The work environment is so good that it hardly matters as long as you are giving enough work output. He was amazed to know that I take same train every morning to reach office at the same time. I am not a very disciplined guy or anything. But I hate missing my work timings. In any case, the days on which I am late, the only thing I feel bad about is I don't get to see her. I have never spoken to her in my life. But her appearance itself gives me my daily boost. Don't get me wrong. I am not in love with her or anything. I hardly know her. Neither do I feel any attraction for her. But you know there are some faces which just give you something. Does it happen to you?

People like to see Mona Lisa's picture. Why? May be most of the people see it because its famous work of art. May be another few see it because its part of their job to study it. But I am sure there are people to whom that face means something. For me, Mona Lisa means nothing. But 'her' face..... I would love to draw it. Sadly, I can't. Also words fail me when I start to write about it. I see no way of capturing it. I don't wish to photograph it ever. Whenever I photograph anything, its mental picture automatically gets erased. I remember it as a photograph not as something I saw moving and alive.

Sometimes I used to imagine how her life must be. What would she be doing. I imagine she is a teacher. She seems to be a teacher sometimes. May be teaching biology. No, she seems more like an English teacher. Would she be liking her job? Yes surely. Why else does she look so fresh every morning. I imagine her voice to be husky. She must also be making lot of hand gestures while speaking. She may not be laughing too much. What would be her name? I can't come up with that one. I see her everyday and I exhibit so much curiosity about her. You might wonder, why I never go and ask her name or even try to know her. I really don't want to. Its like when you read a book, the author leaves some things up to your imagination. But when one makes movie out of the same book, everything gets tied down to what is shows on the screen. That may be one of the reasons why the movies always seem worse than the original book. We don't like to lose the scope for wild imagination. I would rather not know anything about her. In fact I fear knowing anything about her. Will her face be as fascinating if I know her as a person?

I had missed my train and was waiting for the next to pull in. She is of course not there on the platform. When one expects to spot something one tries to look for it. But I am not. I got into the train. I was not going to get a place to sit. I stood somewhere inside. There was no wind and I felt dull. I blamed it on not getting my morning boost. Oh, how could I be so crazy? To touch the very source of my energy I need help of some random face which for all I know I would never see ever.

'Ever' is a very illusive word. But how can I not fall for it. Sometimes I feel my case is similar to the princess whose life is stuck in a fragile bird. But let me not start with all those similes and metaphors. I reached office. My boss had left a message for me to go and meet him as soon as I arrived. I thought, well yet another divorce case. Sometimes I get a nightmare that when I walk in my office my wife will be sitting here for filling her divorce case. My dear friends, its not a joke to be a divorce lawyer. Talking of dreams, I surprisingly never dream about her. I thank my stars for that.

I walked into my boss's office. He told me I am to get a new client. I asked husband or wife? He said no its a crime case. For once I felt so excited. But it was followed by a guilt that I was feeling happy without having seen her. I felt it was absurd for me to feel like that. But its just how mixed up I can be. I felt happy. I sure did. He said that it was a crime case regarding a night club where many rich prostitutes were arrested. He gave me the whole file and asked me to follow it up. To start off he said the concerned women were waiting in the other room. I decided to talk to them before reading up. To get it all raw before forming any opinions.

I started turning the pages of the file as I walked into the other room. I heard a husky voice getting silenced by my entry. My eyes got fixed on a page of the file.
Name : so and so
Age: so and so
.......
.....

The next I looked up I couldn't see anything clearly, as my eyes were filled with tears. As if I was being punished for being happy without seeing her. The punishment was to know her.