A friend of mine asked the other day the following question -- 10 years ago did you think you will land up where you have and did you think you will become the person you have? It intrigued me. Did I?
Ten years and four months ago I left my parent's home and went to Chennai to pursue graduate studies. I still get goosebumps thinking about the first time I stayed in my hostel room alone. It was a very very new, exciting and a very liberating experience for me. I was nervous, I was scared and I was excited all at the same time. I remember the first time I travelled by an overnight train, alone! I was traveling to Bangalore chasing my secrete adventure without telling my parents. I remember the first time I tried to understand something very cool in complexity theory. It was technically very hard; harder than anything I had ever tried in the past and amazingly beautiful. I remember the time when I went up to Meena (my advisor)'s office to ask her whether she will take me as her student and the sense of relief when she agreed. I remember the first time I picked up a small puppy on a street and fed it milk and biscuits. The lovely eyes of the puppy could have killed me! I remember the time when I sat in a cafe close to Dharmkot, it was overlooking a valley. I remember sipping my hot cup of tea with the infectious laughter of my friends at the background. I remember many nights spent chatting, laughing, laughing and chatting, staring at the sky and experiencing a unique sense of comfortable closeness. I remember a long 24-hour train travel made with Chikku and Shago. I remember the day when I taught the first time in IITB.
All of the above events are etched in my memory. I am tempted to say that they defined me. But I would be lying if I said so. It wasn't just one time that I stayed alone in my hostel room, but for a good few years. The excitement of living alone got transformed into a habit of coming to a space of my own. It wasn't just once that I travelled by the train alone but many times and to many places. Knocking on Meena's office door and bugging her for hours became a part of my routine. I trekked to many places after Dharmkot. I have travelled with Chikku more distance than I have with some of my friends! And teaching has become a part and parcel of my life.
To answer my friend's question -- when all the firsts I have mentioned above were happening in my life, I didn't attach any importance to them. But surely, somewhere deep down, each moment seemed just right. Each of it seemed exactly what was intended for me and no one else. Therefore, I went back to each one of them. Not once not twice but repeatedly. What I have become and where I am right now is just an immediate consequence of all of these. I never thought I would be here. But now that I am here, I am hardly surprised.
Ten years and four months ago I left my parent's home and went to Chennai to pursue graduate studies. I still get goosebumps thinking about the first time I stayed in my hostel room alone. It was a very very new, exciting and a very liberating experience for me. I was nervous, I was scared and I was excited all at the same time. I remember the first time I travelled by an overnight train, alone! I was traveling to Bangalore chasing my secrete adventure without telling my parents. I remember the first time I tried to understand something very cool in complexity theory. It was technically very hard; harder than anything I had ever tried in the past and amazingly beautiful. I remember the time when I went up to Meena (my advisor)'s office to ask her whether she will take me as her student and the sense of relief when she agreed. I remember the first time I picked up a small puppy on a street and fed it milk and biscuits. The lovely eyes of the puppy could have killed me! I remember the time when I sat in a cafe close to Dharmkot, it was overlooking a valley. I remember sipping my hot cup of tea with the infectious laughter of my friends at the background. I remember many nights spent chatting, laughing, laughing and chatting, staring at the sky and experiencing a unique sense of comfortable closeness. I remember a long 24-hour train travel made with Chikku and Shago. I remember the day when I taught the first time in IITB.
All of the above events are etched in my memory. I am tempted to say that they defined me. But I would be lying if I said so. It wasn't just one time that I stayed alone in my hostel room, but for a good few years. The excitement of living alone got transformed into a habit of coming to a space of my own. It wasn't just once that I travelled by the train alone but many times and to many places. Knocking on Meena's office door and bugging her for hours became a part of my routine. I trekked to many places after Dharmkot. I have travelled with Chikku more distance than I have with some of my friends! And teaching has become a part and parcel of my life.
To answer my friend's question -- when all the firsts I have mentioned above were happening in my life, I didn't attach any importance to them. But surely, somewhere deep down, each moment seemed just right. Each of it seemed exactly what was intended for me and no one else. Therefore, I went back to each one of them. Not once not twice but repeatedly. What I have become and where I am right now is just an immediate consequence of all of these. I never thought I would be here. But now that I am here, I am hardly surprised.
Comments
And well may someone else ask - do I remember the first time I posted on your blog?!